


sorry, i guess

by whodatkinnie



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Blood and Injury, Inner Dialogue, Insanity, Knives, M/M, Mild Blood, One-Sided Attraction, POV Third Person, Yandere, calm down, fast paced af, hes a little insane, in third person?, kids these days smh, this story takes place in 1993 btw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:20:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28143018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whodatkinnie/pseuds/whodatkinnie
Summary: in which dirk is slowly becoming obsessed with jake and jake is completely oblivious to it all.
Relationships: Jake English/Dirk Strider
Kudos: 10





	1. Chapter 1: in his room

**Author's Note:**

> jfc i cant write more than 500 words at a time without giving up sh

Dirk enjoyed going to school. He looked forward to going every week. He hated weekends, breaks, and snow days. He loved school, or rather, he loved the people at school. There was one boy he loved in particular. That boy was none other than Jake English.

Dirk loved Jake, but Jake didn't think of Dirk as anything more than a good friend. Dirk still thought about Jake every second of every day. He would always write in his diary about the boy, he would doodle him in his notebooks, he was a little bit obsessed he must admit. But he would never let it get out of hand!

Well, that might have been a lie. Dirk had to admit that he had a few fantasies of certain brutal things he would do to the people who even thought of laying a hand on his one and only Jake. He had quite a few ideas of how he would punish the people who thought of hurting Jake. He would never let those become anything other than just dark thoughts.. 

Well, yeah, maybe. He already punched a kid in the face for calling Jake names, what about it? He had it coming! Dirk knew that kid would leave Jake alone after that, and that was all that mattered to him.

Dirk was used to getting bullied himself, but the second anybody did any of those things to Jake, they would feel sorry. Dirk knew that what they said was horrible, but something in him wished they did it more often. Not because he wanted to see Jake in pain but rather so he could swoop him up and protect him. 

He remembered that afternoon that he told that bully to fuck off so well, the way that Jake's hand wrapped around his arm, the way his fern green eyes gazed into his shades, the way he blushed ever so slightly, oh God the way he blushed… Jake would deny it, he would deny that he was flustered when Dirk defended him, but Dirk knew! He knew! He knew that Jake looked up to him and in that moment he knew that Jake liked him, like, like liked him. And Dirk hated how he knew everything about Jake, because Dirk knew that Jake would never admit to liking him because of what those brainless idiots said to him. He wouldn't want those bullies to be proven right. But, but also, they could just be two lovebirds in secret! And wouldn't that make it so much better? Dirk definitely thinks so. He knows that only them knowing about each other's feelings would be for the better, he knows. He knows everything.

Ah, Dirk was rambling in his head again. What was he doing, now? Homework, yes. Science homework. Stuff he didn't care about. He closed his notebook and paced around his room. What could he do to get those kids to leave Jake alone? What could he do to make Jake feel more comfortable with himself? Dirk was willing to do anything.

Anything.

Anything. And anything includes EVERYTHING. Whatever he needed to do. He was willing to do it all. Anything for his beloved Jake English. 

Dirk plopped down on his bed, he really needed to get his mind off of this. He opened up this new magazine he just subscribed to in the mail, what was it called again? Wired Magazine? Whatever. Anything to get his brain off of.. No. Don't even think of his name. Stop that, Dirk. 

Jesus, this is too much.

"Anything for you, Jake."  
Dirk tried to skim through the magazine, eventually lost interest, and just took a nap.  
Anything to take his mind off of that boy.


	2. Chapter 2: closer to god

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not me writing 2 chapters in a night um anyways

Dirk woke up early today. It was the last day of school this year, and damn if he wasn't gonna make it memorable for everybody.

He had this stuff planned out. He knew what he was gonna do. He knew the route of this kid's walk to school. He knew.

Dirk had a plan. Not only a plan, but a weapon as well. It wasn't anything too fancy, of course, he didn't even expect himself to go this far with his plan. But here he was, in his hand was a straight bladed knife. He wasn't gonna hurt the kid, he just wanted to intimidate him some.. Right. But what if the kid told a teacher or something? Maybe he would have to hurt him then. But then the kid would have proof to show the teachers.. Maybe..

Just maybe…

He would go somewhere he didn't wanna go with this.

Oh who was he kidding? He's always wanted to know what it would be like. He always wanted to know what it was like to hurt somebody. He didn't like to admit it. He always wanted to feel somebody else's blood on his hands, the thought of it made him feel powerful. 

Dirk remembered how he first found the knife he held in his hand. He knew his father had some hunting gear somewhere in his closet, but he didn't expect to find it so easily. He found some other good weapons in there too, but he figured this would be the best choice for now.

Dirk ran his index finger against the cold metal of the blade. Dirk wasn't all too sure what the blade was made out of, but he could tell it was high quality. It was a good six inches long, and something about it made Dirk feel nervous just by holding it. 

Out of curiosity, Dirk held the knife so that the sharp side was turned upwards. He dragged his thumb against it, leaving a papercut like mark on the pad. It was a thin mark, but it was obviously not from paper. It was thicker than that of a papercut, and there was a small bead of blood at the base of the cut. Out of curiosity once again, Dirk flicked his tongue out of his mouth and ran it against the cut, tasting the blood on his finger. Something about it made his heart jump in some mix of disgust, arousal, and fear. Jesus, he really needed to stop now. This could be bad. Besides, he needed to leave soon, it was already 6 a.m. He put a bandaid over the cut on his thumb and picked up his backpack. It was time.

Dirk almost ran to the place he knew he would collide with the kid at. He waited at the spot for that kid to arrive. Of course he knew better than to just stand out in the open, he concealed himself in some bushes. Or rather behind some bushes. He wasn't about to get a bunch of splinters for this. Once he thought he had a reasonable distance, he started following the kid.

Once they got to a spot that Dirk thought was isolated enough from the rest of the street, he picked up the pace. He eventually caught up to the kid. He grabbed the kid by the throat, clasping his other free hand over the kid's mouth. Dirk smiled to himself. He was already proud of himself. "Don't talk, you'll only make it worse for yourself." Dirk made sure to be quiet, he didn't wanna get caught. The kid managed to get Dirk's hand away from his mouth to make a quick snarky comment. "What're you gonna do if I talk, you fucking weirdo?" The kid tried to pry Dirk's other hand away from his throat. Dirk decided to just show the kid what he would do. Dirk switched his grip from the kid's throat to his wrist, using his other hand to look for his knife under his coat. He pulled out the knife and tried to suppress his laughter at the way the kid's eyes widened. He tightened his grip on the kid's wrist. He put the tip of the knife against the tip of the kid's index finger. He made sure to push in hard when he dragged the blade down to the base of his finger. The kid tried to say something, but it just came out as a blubbering mashup of noise. Dirk enjoyed the sight of the kid attempting to stop the blood from slowly trickling out of the cut, tears streaming down from the kid's eyes. Dirk kicked the kid to the ground, releasing his hold on the kid's wrist. He walked away without saying anything else to the kid.

Dirk pulled out a tissue from his hoodie pocket and wiped off the blade of his knife. He continued walking to school normally as if nothing had happened.

-~-~-

Dirk looked around for Jake in the hallway. He eventually found him standing by his locker, shuffling nervously. Dirk walked up to him, trying his best to act casual. "Hey Jake, you alright?" Dirk's voice seemed to startle the black haired boy, but he nodded nonetheless. "Are you sure? You seem a little frazzled over here. What's up, dude?" Dirk ghosted his fingers over Jake's hair, trying his best to not seem too nervous himself. "Well… I heard that when somebody was on their way to school here, they found a kid passed out on the road. They were in shambles, just sitting there.. They also had a cut on their finger. It's just kinda scary to me." Jake twiddled his hands nervously, avoiding eye contact with Dirk. Dirk tried his best to look surprised. "Really!? I had no idea! That's horrible!" Dirk looked at Jake. Jake just nodded again. "I'm worried, Dirk. You know I would be gutted if anything happened to you, chum." Jake reached out to touch Dirk's arm lightly. The small action made Dirk's entire mind go blank. "Yeah, you stay safe too, Jake." Dirk tried his best to smile at Jake, but the guilt prevented him from giving Jake anything more than a little smirk. A little smirk seemed to be good enough for Jake though, and he smiled at Dirk genuinely.

-~-~-

When Dirk got home that afternoon he immediately threw himself onto his bed. He couldn't focus on anything. He kept replaying that moment with Jake in his mind. It was so overwhelming. Dirk's brain was unable to think of anything at all. It was all just loops of Jake, the way he sounded so concerned for Dirk's safety, the way he smiled, the way he touched him. 

Dirk knew this wasn't a normal crush anymore. Dirk knew. He knew. 

He kept thinking about Jake, Jake, Jake. 

Only him.

Dirk's only thoughts were about Jake, and he hoped Jake's only thoughts were about him.


End file.
